Myrtle Cynthia Tiley 1921-2000; The Nurturing Era, 1945-1960.

(1950's: women united in common nurturing. From left to right,my Mother, my Grandmother, my Auntie Eileen, and in front, my cousin Denise).

After the end of the war, the population expected that things would get back to 'normal' almost immediately, but the sad truth is that continuing- for some items, increased- rationing and the lack of affordable housing for many, led to a grey, grim unhappy population. Mum's own family was not immune from the same problems. As I indicated earlier, several of her siblings had married during or immediately prior to the outbreak of war, and one result of the return home of the spouses was a sudden burst of little people in the family- nieces and nephews for Mum, grandchildren for my grandmother. After the war, still living at home, Mum left the civil service post and was employed as a personal assistant to a director of Lines Brothers toys, in Merton. No more daily commutes, the factory- most famous for it's Triang and Pedigree toys- was a short stroll away.

Now imagine that. As a child, you have an unmarried childless auntie who works for a toy manufacturer. Not any old toy manufacturer, but one of the greatest in the world. Suddenly her free time, lack of family routine, readily available disposable income and access to toys at a discounted rate, made my mother possibly the most popular auntie in post- war austerity Britain. My cousins of this time frame, born in the late 1940's, have all independently told me of how kind Mum was to them; how she would take them out for special treats, turn up on the doorstep with toys, give them time and attention which maybe their own parents were too hard pressed (in terms of both time and materially), to offer. One of my uncles returned from the African desert suffering from the after effects of the campaign; he remained on oxygen until his death in the early 1960's, almost 20 years bedridden whilst my aunt worked several jobs just to keep a roof over their heads and to keep her husband supplied with oxygen. Treats, surprises, toys, just fun in general was thin on the ground for the boys of that family, but Mum would do all she could to try to help her sister and her much loved nephews. Ironically, although Aunties Eileen and Kathleen were twins, their paths in life would prove to be almost opposites.

An attempt to overcome the poverty of post war Britain led to Mum nurturing another of the second generation to a degree she could never possibly have anticipated. Auntie Eileen, Mum's oldest sister, and her husband (known to me as Uncle Pat) decided that they would break away from South London, and in time- honoured fashion, go off and do some Empire building. In Africa. Uncle Pat signed up for the (ill-fated) Ground Nuts Scheme; Auntie Eileen decided to travel to East Africa with him. They had a young daughter, their only child, my cousin Denise; as often happened in those days, the decision was made to leave Denise in London in the care of her grandmother and her aunt, until she was old enough to cope with the African climate. When the Ground Nuts Scheme failed, Uncle Pat (who had trained as a car mechanic during his wartime service) decided to stay on in Kenya and build a business there, at which he was very successful. They had a house in Nairobi filled with servants, made their fortune, and eventually Denise was considered old enough to be able to join them. However, in the years before she rejoined her parents, she spent much time with my mother, and the two remained very close for many years. Denise later commented on Mum's sense of humour, on the fun they had on their days out.

Another beneficiary of his aunt was the son of Mum's oldest friend, Auntie Daphne. Finding herself in the position of having to support a child on her own, Auntie was another mother who had to work several jobs and be away for long hours. Her son Neale, therefore, became another of those in whom Mum took a very active interest; years later, Neale remembered a wonderful train set she brought round for him one day.

When I was very small, one evening at my grandparents when my older and wiser relatives thought I had fallen asleep on Mum's lap, I learned for the first time of my mother's ability to sense or experience what some might term the supernatural. I remember snuggling on her lap and listening as she told the tale of how, at this time, she had a dream one night. She dreamt that one of her male colleagues saw her at the bus stop one day, and stopped to offer her a lift to work. She accepted, as it was raining, and the journey (which was a short one) took an eventful turn when the driver missed a traffic light and somehow the car crashed into railings. At this point in the dream, a white light engulfed her, and she somehow found herself face to face with 'St Peter' (as she always called him). Asked her name, St Peter looked baffled, checked and rechecked a big book, then kindly said to her 'No; not your time yet. It isn't your turn yet, you must go back'. Mum was quite upset at this news as she felt comfortable in the place in which she found herself; but the next thing she knew, she was back at home, back in her real life, awake, and so got ready for work. As it was raining, she waited at the bus stop for a bus; the male colleague in her dream saw her, stopped and offered a lift; she accepted, and waited with some trepidation for what would happen next. At a set of traffic lights, a large truck tried to cut across their path; somehow the driver of the lorry and the driver of the car managed to avoid a collision, although everyone was very shaken up. No harm befell anyone, and they completed their journey to work safely.

After that experience, Mum said she had no fear of death, and was convinced nobody died until it was 'their time'.

As the 1950's drew towards a close, her niece safely settled in boarding school in Kenya, her younger brother married and producing a family of his own, Mum was nearing 40, enjoying her life, loving her nephews and nieces, still at home with her mother and stepfather, working and enjoying her independence. The life and soul of any party, Mum, like Little Women's Jo March, seemed set for a life of contented spinsterhood. However, unbeknownst to her, all that was about to change, and everyone's surrogate mother was about to be faced with her biggest challenge yet- unexpected motherhood.